Standstill

Amongst all the lost faces in the crowd,

On a street corner of a busy Bangalore road,

I search for your face or maybe a shadow, of the person I used to know.

 

Time had come to a standstill,

As you dropped me home that day.

I knew as I hugged you goodbye,

That this was it.It was all over.

 

But my heart, stubborn as I was refused to accept what destiny had in store for us.

How could I come back from this?

My heart had been broken way too many times.

 

All its pieces strung together loosely, I clutched them tightly against my chest.

As i was swooned over by your lame jokes and your love for detail.

I fell , I fell fast with every word that escaped from your lips.

I fell even for the silliest things you did or said.

 

Now, how could i stay still as my heart picked up twice it’s pace.

Nothing seemed to be in place.

Tears constantly streamed down my face.

 

When loneliness crept into my mind during those dark times,

I’d rewind and go back.

Go back to the times you said these scars I flaunted made me beautiful.

How could I ever know, that these would be the very reason you left.

 

The longer I try to hold on,

The faster my grasp is loosened.

I can see everything slide through in a blur.

 

Time did heal a few wounds.

But not all wounds can heal on its own.

I had to hold my tears back.

I had to smile until I believed it. I had to, for myself.

 

I knew I had to fight my way through,

Out of this pit of self-pity dug deep.

Who are you to make me cry,

I now have gotten used to this way too many times.

 

 

 

 

The Kohl- Smeared Warrior

Holding on to every word you said,
Re-reading conversations until the next time you’d text.
Checking my phone, hoping to find a message I missed.
Reminiscing each time we kissed.

Replaying every conversation,
Trying to fill the gaps in communication.
Where did all the doubts creep in?
When did our hearts stop beatin’
As one.

As I sit alone on this chilly night,
I let my fears take control.
All those times you took me for granted,
Each time that I longed to feel wanted.

Memories come rushing back.
Did you ever stop and think,
that maybe one day the tables would turn.
One day I’d stop calling, stop texting.
Making it look like I never existed.

Time is a funny thing you see,
It molds us into whom we need to be.
Broken hearts makes us stronger,
Kohl- smeared eyes see clearer.

Your phone is no longer filled with unanswered calls,
You’d no longer have to deal with the drama that ensued from it all.
You’re no longer trapped.
Letting you go has set me free, pushing me to dream bigger.
Than I ever could when you were with me.

I’ll (Never) Miss you

This is a collab with one of my friend, Rahul. He is an amazing writer. Do check out more of his writing here.

Happy Reading!

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I’ll never miss the way you said my name
Or the way my curly hair, your fingers tried to tame.
I’ll never miss the warmth that I felt during those chilly nights on the beach.
Or the heights our useless ramblings tried to reach.

I’ll never miss your precise alarm like morning wishes
I’ll never miss your tearful goodbye kisses.
I’ll never miss our lazy pillow fights
Or our long deep talks into the night.

I may never miss the way your face lit up
Each time I passed by.
I may never miss the way my heart synced along
As you sang your favorite lullaby.

I may never miss you,
Because missing you would mean I miss our fights
And all the abuses we actually never meant.
Missing you would mean I miss the hurt you put me through.

I’ll try not to miss your crazy obsession with spiders.
Or your stupidity that never failed to make me smile.
I’ll try not to miss our dreams to travel the world
Or the day we danced in the rain on our first date.
I’ll try not to miss your scent that lingered on hours after you left.

I’ll try not to miss how you tended my broken heart.
I’ll try not to miss your failed surprise plans.
I’ll try not to miss the way you held me each time i cried.
I’ll try not to miss how each time you were sad, I died a little inside.

Alas! I’m tired of trying not to miss you.
Maybe these could be forgotten,
Each feeling I thought was true.
But how can I not miss the person I was before I met you.

Lost Innocence

Sadness pulled him close
Drawn like a moth to a flame.
Hiding in her tresses,
He glumly peeked outside
And watched quietly as the world bustled by.

As his gaze fell upon her,
That scrawny little girl in rags
Selling flowers on the sidewalk
Vulnerable to lecherous advances,
He was transported back
To a different place,a different time.

Through the frames that flickered
In his prodigious mind castle,
He watched helplessly
As he was stripped of his innocence
Reliving every scar as if it were yesterday.

He watched his confidant
Morph into his biggest nightmare.
One that left him screaming into the darkness.

He watched helplessly as his family
Looked at him with disbelief.
“This doesn’t happen to boys” kept ringing in his ears
Over and over again, a broken tape recorder.

He watched helplessly as life went by
While he lost himself in that day
Like his life had hit pause forever.
No one seemed to notice the absence of his soul
While his body hustled in the crowd.

He watched helplessly
As he lived in constant fear.
Fear of losing what little was left of him.
So he spun a web around his heart
And covered it with a thousand thorns.

As his spirit returned
Exhausted from the daunting past,
He noticed that little girl come up to him.
A sense of protectiveness engulfed him.

The shell that he had built around
Shattered to a million pieces.
He had to take a stand.
He had to make a difference.
He wanted to save her innocence.

A significant number of victims of sexual abuse are male. What makes it even more difficult for them is the stereotype that victims of abuse are female.
Contrary to public beliefs, sexual assault can happen to anyone, irrespective of age, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Many a times male victims are more hesitant than female victims to speak out for fear of being judged harshly by the patriarchal society.

Picture Credits:Lapis-Lazuri

 

Constant

In a time not so far from now,
Between shared interests and the brokenness
That had for long occupied their half-empty hearts,
Two strangers felt complete.
In a moment of silence.
In a heartbeat.
In a fleeting glance.

Gloomy evenings witnessed countless dates.
A beautiful dance between Chicken Wings and Vanilla Blue,
And the unfolding of their deepest,darkest secrets.
The ones that had been tucked away safely
From judgmental views and remarks.

The walls of fear came crumbling down
And so did any others barriers she held.
He let go of his trust issues.
Together they dove in,head first
Into something that would change their lives forever.

Everything happens for a reason they believed
That them meeting wasn’t just coincidence,
But the universe conspiring.
Loneliness made them appreciate togetherness.
Fights did ensue as time passed
But love surpassed the desire.
To plant seeds of hatred.

As years rolled by, they grew.
Priorities changed.
They changed.
They drifted apart.
Love was the only constant.

Intangible Bonds

Living mindlessly in this facade she created
out of a tonne load of expectations
Of parents,friends and Extended family.
Everyone had a say,
in a life she believed was hers and hers alone.

All she wanted was to follow,
A dream,crazy though it may sound.
One filled with pure passion and zest.
A dream to add a creative touch to this bleak world.

She wanted to lose herself
In the million stars that the adorned the night sky.
Etching miniature constellations in her colloidal heart,
As her mind revelled in the the mysteries
Of the infinite galaxies that lay ahead.

A soul beating with wanderlust.
Caged in an environment
That was to be her safe haven.
Bound by Permissions and restrictions
All her life she’d lived.

A brave soul,was she.
She dared to dream.
She dreamt of breaking free from the intangible bonds,
That held her slaughtered hopes.

Stop.Listen.
To the silent screams echoing,
As you pass her in the hallway
Or sit beside her in class.
Her struggle is real.
Look behind the mask she wears,
This facade she puts on.

Watch and understand,
As she paints stories of abuse
With drops staining the marble floor.
Draining out every disappointment,
Every fear that she ever had.
She completed it with a bright red splatter.
Now she was truly free.

Accepting Love

Something I’ve been wanting to write about since a long time.My friend Zee has aptly written this post. ❤

Fleeting Paradox

Living in oblivion,
Inside a bubble I built around.
Shutting people out,
Hiding behind a mask,
For fear of losing myself,again.
I convinced myself it was better this way.

Letting people see inside my complex self,
Fills my heart with an inexplicable fear.
The one that filled my heart 
That dreadful day I lost a friend.
A part of me left with her that day,
One I knew I couldn't recover.

Day after day I told myself,
She was way too good.
Too good to be true.
Rumors flew,
I was caught in those web of lies.

Fights followed,loyalties ended.
Both ended up with broken hearts.
Egos got the better of us,
Hatred seeped into our hearts
Darkening our souls to the core.

I no longer recognized the girl
I once called my friend.
Realization dawned on me, in looking
At that dusty mirror on the wall
Maybe it was just an illusion,
But I saw how dark my soul had become.

With every hateful word,
I lost a part of me
To the darkness metastasizing
Eating away what little was left of me.

I couldn't lose my light.
I was stronger than this darkness around me.
There had to be a way,
a solution to this mess I'd made of myself.

That's when I realized,
I wasn't looking in the right place.
I didn't need to embark on a life changing journey.
The answer was right here,inside of me.

When I pushed those clouds
Of hatred away
I saw that people 
aren't as rumors may say.

Love always finds a way.
It scrubs the darkness 
inked on my soul,away.
All you need is patience
and the willingness to stay.

With Me

Rising to greater heights,
Steering through the smoke filled sky,
Your way you try to navigate.
Wounded mid-flight,you fall steadily.
Spiraling downwards,
The pavement,you hit hard.

Wounded and broken,
In a pool of blood
Those feathers you once ruffled
Lay torn apart.

Life doesn’t seem worth living,
Now that you’ve lost everything.
There’s no way you could survive
In this cruel and unfair world.

Giving up seems so much easier,
Than staying and fighting.
For your life,for all that you once could do
But now need another.
You don’t want to ask for help
‘Coz that would make you look weak.

Little bird,don’t be scared
It’s only in the darkness
when your heart’s in a million pieces
That you find the strength,
to hold on till dawn awakens.

Let me take you home,
And nurse your wounds.
Sing to you a sweet lullaby,
Just like your mamma bird did.

As you lay asleep,
I’ll keep watch over you.
You’re safe with me,
There’s nothing to fear.

I’ll feed you and quench your thirst.
I promise to be patient,
and to understand
that every failure
brings you closer to success.

I promise to stay by you.
Work at it everyday.
Fight all the trials,
that may come your way.

And in no time,
you’ll able to fly high
into the bright blue sky.

Love Lives!

I look at you,
a confused expression
across my face.

You gently hold my hand,
I withdraw in fear.
My temporal lobe unable
to place you in my life.

Patiently you explain,
that for long I’ve known you.
I want to let you in.
But I’m afraid.
Everything here is delusional,they say.

You seem to see through me
for you know of all my likes and dislikes.
Maybe you are being truthful.
My brain however,
doesn’t seem to corroborate
that gut feeling inside of me.

You feed me and take care of me,
until I’m safe in my bed each night.
You were forbearing through all those mood swings
and played my favorite song as I ate.
You’ve upheld all those promises
you made at the altar.
“In sickness and in health”
Only to be asked,”Who are you?”.

I wish I could reciprocate,
but time catches up with my memory,
and it’s a clean slate all over again.

Don’t for a second think
I’ve forgotten our love.
It still lives embedded deep,
in the safe chambers
of my dying heart.
A place my disease cannot reach.

Until then let’s fall in love
over and over again,
and dance into the night.

P.S:This is inspired by a video I came across recently.