Standstill

Amongst all the lost faces in the crowd,

On a street corner of a busy Bangalore road,

I search for your face or maybe a shadow, of the person I used to know.

 

Time had come to a standstill,

As you dropped me home that day.

I knew as I hugged you goodbye,

That this was it.It was all over.

 

But my heart, stubborn as I was refused to accept what destiny had in store for us.

How could I come back from this?

My heart had been broken way too many times.

 

All its pieces strung together loosely, I clutched them tightly against my chest.

As i was swooned over by your lame jokes and your love for detail.

I fell , I fell fast with every word that escaped from your lips.

I fell even for the silliest things you did or said.

 

Now, how could i stay still as my heart picked up twice it’s pace.

Nothing seemed to be in place.

Tears constantly streamed down my face.

 

When loneliness crept into my mind during those dark times,

I’d rewind and go back.

Go back to the times you said these scars I flaunted made me beautiful.

How could I ever know, that these would be the very reason you left.

 

The longer I try to hold on,

The faster my grasp is loosened.

I can see everything slide through in a blur.

 

Time did heal a few wounds.

But not all wounds can heal on its own.

I had to hold my tears back.

I had to smile until I believed it. I had to, for myself.

 

I knew I had to fight my way through,

Out of this pit of self-pity dug deep.

Who are you to make me cry,

I now have gotten used to this way too many times.

 

 

 

 

The Kohl- Smeared Warrior

Holding on to every word you said,
Re-reading conversations until the next time you’d text.
Checking my phone, hoping to find a message I missed.
Reminiscing each time we kissed.

Replaying every conversation,
Trying to fill the gaps in communication.
Where did all the doubts creep in?
When did our hearts stop beatin’
As one.

As I sit alone on this chilly night,
I let my fears take control.
All those times you took me for granted,
Each time that I longed to feel wanted.

Memories come rushing back.
Did you ever stop and think,
that maybe one day the tables would turn.
One day I’d stop calling, stop texting.
Making it look like I never existed.

Time is a funny thing you see,
It molds us into whom we need to be.
Broken hearts makes us stronger,
Kohl- smeared eyes see clearer.

Your phone is no longer filled with unanswered calls,
You’d no longer have to deal with the drama that ensued from it all.
You’re no longer trapped.
Letting you go has set me free, pushing me to dream bigger.
Than I ever could when you were with me.

Constant

In a time not so far from now,
Between shared interests and the brokenness
That had for long occupied their half-empty hearts,
Two strangers felt complete.
In a moment of silence.
In a heartbeat.
In a fleeting glance.

Gloomy evenings witnessed countless dates.
A beautiful dance between Chicken Wings and Vanilla Blue,
And the unfolding of their deepest,darkest secrets.
The ones that had been tucked away safely
From judgmental views and remarks.

The walls of fear came crumbling down
And so did any others barriers she held.
He let go of his trust issues.
Together they dove in,head first
Into something that would change their lives forever.

Everything happens for a reason they believed
That them meeting wasn’t just coincidence,
But the universe conspiring.
Loneliness made them appreciate togetherness.
Fights did ensue as time passed
But love surpassed the desire.
To plant seeds of hatred.

As years rolled by, they grew.
Priorities changed.
They changed.
They drifted apart.
Love was the only constant.

Fleeting Paradox

Living in oblivion,
Inside a bubble I built around.
Shutting people out,
Hiding behind a mask,
For fear of losing myself,again.
I convinced myself it was better this way.

Letting people see inside my complex self,
Fills my heart with an inexplicable fear.
The one that filled my heart 
That dreadful day I lost a friend.
A part of me left with her that day,
One I knew I couldn't recover.

Day after day I told myself,
She was way too good.
Too good to be true.
Rumors flew,
I was caught in those web of lies.

Fights followed,loyalties ended.
Both ended up with broken hearts.
Egos got the better of us,
Hatred seeped into our hearts
Darkening our souls to the core.

I no longer recognized the girl
I once called my friend.
Realization dawned on me, in looking
At that dusty mirror on the wall
Maybe it was just an illusion,
But I saw how dark my soul had become.

With every hateful word,
I lost a part of me
To the darkness metastasizing
Eating away what little was left of me.

I couldn't lose my light.
I was stronger than this darkness around me.
There had to be a way,
a solution to this mess I'd made of myself.

That's when I realized,
I wasn't looking in the right place.
I didn't need to embark on a life changing journey.
The answer was right here,inside of me.

When I pushed those clouds
Of hatred away
I saw that people 
aren't as rumors may say.

Love always finds a way.
It scrubs the darkness 
inked on my soul,away.
All you need is patience
and the willingness to stay.

Love Lives!

I look at you,
a confused expression
across my face.

You gently hold my hand,
I withdraw in fear.
My temporal lobe unable
to place you in my life.

Patiently you explain,
that for long I’ve known you.
I want to let you in.
But I’m afraid.
Everything here is delusional,they say.

You seem to see through me
for you know of all my likes and dislikes.
Maybe you are being truthful.
My brain however,
doesn’t seem to corroborate
that gut feeling inside of me.

You feed me and take care of me,
until I’m safe in my bed each night.
You were forbearing through all those mood swings
and played my favorite song as I ate.
You’ve upheld all those promises
you made at the altar.
“In sickness and in health”
Only to be asked,”Who are you?”.

I wish I could reciprocate,
but time catches up with my memory,
and it’s a clean slate all over again.

Don’t for a second think
I’ve forgotten our love.
It still lives embedded deep,
in the safe chambers
of my dying heart.
A place my disease cannot reach.

Until then let’s fall in love
over and over again,
and dance into the night.

P.S:This is inspired by a video I came across recently.

Wounded Soul

Letting go is hard,but sometimes holding on is harder.

In the quiet of the night
I try to calm my restless heart.
Stirred by the waking of my demons
At a time I was most vulnerable.

Tossing and turning,
With every hour passing
I hoped I’d find an answer.
But all I felt was emptiness.

Subconsciously,I reached for my phone
dialing that number ever so familiar.
Somehow believing that voice
could calm the turmoil
churning inside of me.

As I held the phone against my ear,
I hoped to hear his voice.
I wanted desperately to confirm
that he still cared,
that his ego wasn’t all he was made of.

My utter disappointment,
to be proved wrong.
But being my adamant self,
once again did I try.
Hoping his heart would melt
and he’d forget all about it.

Tired of the mindless fights
and nonsensical arguments
that tarnished the bond we once shared,
I decided for once to let ego win.
‘Coz maybe sometimes a bruise
is better than a wounded soul.

Undying Love

Hey guys!I’m super excited to post this as it is a result of a collab with one of my favorite people at wordpress.Do check out her site lifeconfusions.wordpress.com ,it has some pretty amazing stuff.Hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing. 🙂
Much love,
Jess ❤

download
Hours away stuck at a desk,
There was a man in his best tux and a laptop sitting in front.
His heart wandered where his being couldn’t.
Somewhere oceans and shores away,
His soul searched for a woman it craved.
His fingers typed huge lines of code all day,
while his mind traversed memories,
Spanning across years they’d spent together.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee,
And her face illuminated by the morning sun.
Everything was perfect in the land they lived once.

A kiss upon his cheek and her smile as she pulled away,
Was all he needed to get through another day.
His comfort lay in the sound of her laughter, as she lay in his arms.

The walks in the park,
Laying on the grassy fields,
Watching the sun sets
And gazing upon the sea,
Counting stars in the night sky,
Hand in hand they walked through life.

One fateful day that letter arrived,
The one that took her so far away.
She was ready to give up her dream for him,
But he wouldn’t let her no matter what.

His heart was breaking in million pieces all at once,
While hers didn’t know how to beat without him.

So they told themselves they just weren’t meant to be,
That it wasn’t the right time, right place to be.
Maybe in another time,at another place
their stars would align perfectly.

And that’s how their story ended,
Before it could even began.
But could love ever end?

You

I’m trying out something new here.Hope you guys like it 🙂

couple

I tremble as you hold me
Your eyes gazing into mine.
You pull me closer,
my whole being mesmerized
as you cast your spell.

With your arms wrapped around me,
Your endless kisses land softly on my neck.
You push back a strand of my hair
and gently lean in for a kiss.

I push you away playfully,
Teasing you as I run around.
You think you can catch me,
So you give in.

Now we are running around
like little kids playing catch.
At one point you almost catch me
But I guess I’m just better at this.

When we catch up,
I can feel your heart racing.
Emotions capsize
and your strong arms contain me.

This wasn’t a whirlwind romance.
You were different.
In your soothing words
In your gentle touch,
I’d found comfort
to finally piece my broken heart.

Intimacy is redefined,
All I wanna do is make you mine.
With you by my side,
I know I can always kiss sadness goodbye.

A Walk to Remember

image

Exams bring out the best in me. My mind is brimming with ideas.
Hope all of you are doing good. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I’m done with my exams. 😥 I miss you guys.

My journey with Mom

 

lil me

 

  As a little girl,

you held my hand,

when the world said I couldn’t stand again.

You taught me,played with me.

You did everything to make me smile.

Years pass by…

Your eyes meet mine

I know you can sense the battle within.

You want to help,but this is mine.

You plead for an answer,the only thing I don’t have.

The fear of being asked the same questions over and over

questions,to which I don’t have any answers.

Though I’m away from you,

I hope you know I’ll always love you.

But this is what I want to do,

have to follow my dream.

I’ve grown wings to fly,

so I can fly high and touch the sky.

No matter where I go,

I’ll always be your little girl.

The road seems long

without you by my side,for you were my only guide.

In you I could always confide.

You have always been there for me

to wipe a tear,shower unending love.

A friend,a hope

a reason life is still worthwhile.

A constant source of unending grace

With you I’ve become a better being.

You taught me to be strong

never give up even when life gets rough.

The love you have for me

overpowers all the evil around me.

I promise I won’t let you down.

One day you will look at me and say

that is my baby girl,

I’m proud of you.